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"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." by William E. Henley

Sunday, June 19, 2011

 It's time to make room for new memories

It's safe to say that my clothes have been spilling out from the 
wooden closets and the newly acquired gray dresser and slowly
taken over the bedroom (and possibly parts of the living room...)
They are out of control and needs to be taught some manners.
Don't they know that they should crawl from the floor 
into the white laundry bins in the bathroom?
And the dirty socks seem to multiply in droves on the floor next to the bed.

And beside their serious lack of crawling abilities some of them
should have been taken straight to goodwill a long time ago.

Like the tops that have been washed so many times
I can't even remember what color they once used to be.

Clothing I purchased a lifetime ago.
Dresses, pants and skirts bought for a completely different life.
As I pull out each drawer, the memories are surfacing quickly.
It's almost overwhelming.

Memories of a much younger tess.
A hopeful and happy tess.
Before heartbreaks and responsibilities.
Before life REALLY had begun I guess.
From a time when things were easy.
Matters were black and white back then (or at least that's what I thought).
Everything was OH SO clear.

As I unfold and sweep my hand across the soft fabric 
I realize that I have been holding on to these clothes for all the wrong reasons.
Not because they are my favorite pieces or that they make me look fab.
Honestly, most of them are way too small and just make me feel fat...

But I realized today that I was holding onto them as if they somehow
could stop time. Freeze it, and make the happy moments last forever. 
As if keeping them neatly folded in a gray dresser would
keep me closer to my old friends 
and preserve those happy memories for eternity.

Silly I know.
But I didn't realize that I was doing it until this very moment.
I wonder why? 

I am in such a wonderful happy place in my life right now. 
Married to my best friend.
Maybe I was supposed to hold on to them for all these years.
Waiting for the right moment to let go.
As I filled up blue IKEA bags with clothes, shoes, belts and 
purses I could feel myself breathe a little easier...
Smile a little wider :o)

With sunlight in my heart and plenty of room in the memory bank,
I am so ready for the bright future!

I love you for reading my ramblings


  1. I love you because you also have socks mysteriously turn up! Dan thinks I am weird because there are always random socks floating around my side of the bed.... but I kick them off in my sleep, I can't help it!
    I swear they multiply....

  2. God bless those giant blue Ikea bags!! Fill 'em up with the old memories and make way for your new and incredibly bright and blissful future:)

  3. my clothes have the same bad manners!sheesh!

    But like you , I hold on to maaaaany things that remind me of happier times..Havent felt ready to let go yet..I m happy that you did!

  4. I suppose it's called closure... the need to do certain things on your own terms, when you're ready - not necessarily when you should have.

    I get that same freeing feeling when I get rid of old clothes, shoes, etc.!

  5. Jaime: haha I knew we had a lot in common. And now also the elusive sock invasion!

    Camlo: They are the best! And I don't say that just because I work for IKEA ha ha

    SilverLines: When you're ready to let go you will. It's not easy but let me tell you, I feel like a new person! And now I actually have room for some new clothes which is always nice :o)

    Jac: You're so right. This was definitely about closure. And moving on. I should have done years ago, but I guess I just wasn't ready. I feel so fantastic now!

  6. Yes..I guess that time will come.eventually :)

    oh..and I m Jenny :)

  7. Bahahah Tess you should see my wardrobe!!! What is it with socks I have so many odd ones its untrue but where are the lost ones going???


I treasure your words and the fact that you are
taking the time to share them with me.
Please forgive me if I don't respond personally to you.
I always try but sometimes time just flies away!
love ~tess